Transgender Gaslighting

Gaslighting is "a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity" (from Wikipedia).

For us trans folks, the entire world collaborated on one giant gaslighting campaign for our entire pre-transition life. Everything in the world that we could perceive (even our own bodies!) told us that we were not who we knew we were. It is incredible to me that trans folk can break this cycle. And yet we do, time after time.

This just speaks volumes to me of how powerful our inner knowledge of our own gender really is. We can still suss out who we are, despite decades of constant mental abuse.

Post-transition gender gaslighting is not going to change our perceptions. Because we know strongly enough who we are that no amount of it could sway us from transition.

Sorting

I'm going through old boxes of stuff when I found a bunch of hand made items that had the old name on them, made by my grandmother. I'm used to the annoyance of this, so I'm sorting and tossing the ones with the old name and keeping the ones that have no name on them. I pick up one I really like and grimace at the tag attached to it... then see that the tag says Heather on it. Tears of joy began pouring down my face. Not just at knowing that my grandmother wrote it there and all that implies, but the sheer relief of seeing MY name rather than the name that oppressed me for so long.

Names and pronouns have a profound effect on trans folk. Go find a trans folk you love and give them a huge hug and use their real name when you tell them you love them.  =)

"You're transgendered, aren't you?"

"You're transgendered, aren't you?"

That's almost like asking someone if they had cancer when they were young. Or were abused as a child. Why yes, I was trans, thank you for bringing up such a painful subject. Why don't you give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it or something.

Why is the answer going to be useful to you? Examine your reasons for asking, especially as one of the first questions you ask me.

Does it help you understand me better? No it doesn't, if you've met one trans person... you've met ONE trans person. Despite our shared affliction, we are probably nothing alike.

Maybe you want to tell me that I'm obviously trans. That's lovely. No wait, it is horrible.

Are you concerned I have the wrong bits? If I feel that will be something you would need to know, I'll tell you when I feel comfortable doing so (and before it is an issue).

Is it wrong of me to want you to see me as a woman first to maybe help break a few stereotypes you might have?